2015-03: June

June 1

Salvador: We need a pool.
Me: Who has time for a pool?
Salvador: I do. I could lounge by it. Work on my tan.
Me: You’re covered in black fur. You don’t tan.
Salvador: Dude. I could totally tan. And pick up chicks.
Me: You need to go to the public pool if you want to pick up chicks. We’re lacking backyard chicks.
Salvador: Yeah… I kinda got banned from the public pool. They didn’t like me peeing in it.
Me: Go figure. Probably made it hard to pick up chicks, too, huh?
Salvador: You’d think that, wouldn’t you? Didn’t seem to bother them. In fact, most of them left in a hurry to go home and tell others how cool I am.
Me: You really think that’s why they left?
Salvador: Positive.

June 2

Salvador: It’s Tuesday, you know…
Me: Yep.
Salvador: Tuesday. Sweet, sweet Tuesday. Know what I like best about Tuesday?
Me: What’s that?
Salvador: Tacos. All you can eat tacos on Taco Tuesday. An endless supply of tacos. Hard tacos. Soft tacos. Extra cheese. Extra meat. Double extra cheese extra meat.
Me: You know they won’t let you back in there, Sal. They figured out you aren’t really a Seeing Eye Dog when you stole that old lady’s burrito.
Salvador: In my defense, it was a Super Burrito.
Me: Yes. And it belonged to an old lady. A frail old lady. You knocked her down, Sal. I thought she was going to cry.
Salvador: No sense dwelling on the past. Let’s make this taco thing happen. You know in your heart you want to.

June 3

Salvador: Dogs should get to vote.
Me: I’m not sure that’s such a great idea, Sal.
Salvador: Give me one good reason why not! I think my candidate would make a wonderful President of the United States. He’s loaded with political experience.
Me: Oh? And who’s that?
Salvador: Mayor McCheese.
Me: And there’s your one good reason why not.


June 11

<Portland, Oregon>

At 3:00 am – Ringring. Ringring.
Salvador: Woof?
Me (Whispering): Dude! It’s me.
Salvador: I’m trying to get some sleep, here, you know.
Me: But…
Salvador: It’s been a long day.
Me: But…
Salvador: Lounging by the pool. Hitting on a cute poodle.
Me: But….
Salvador: Goodnight. (Click.)

June 11

Noonish – Ringring. Ringring.
Salvador: Woof?
Me: Dude! It’s me, again.
Salvador: Can’t talk.
Me: But….
Salvador: Busy.
Me: But….
Salvador: Hitting on a poodle. (Click.)
Me: But!

June 12

Mid-Afternoon. Ringring. Ringring.
Salvador: Woof?
Me: Dude. It’s me, again.
Salvador: Can I call you back in a bit?
Me: But….
Me: But….

June 12

<Early Evening. Ringring. Ringring.>
Me: Hello?
Salvador: It’s me.
Me: Dude. It took you long enough to call back.
Salvador: Yeah. About that. Can you send money?
Me: You’re calling for money?
Salvador: Two words. Vending machines.
Me: Vending machines?
Salvador: Yeah. They’re amazing. Why didn’t you tell me about these things?
Me: You don’t need snacks.
Salvador: Let’s just make this money thing happen.
Me: But….

June 12

Exactly 8:23pm. Portland time.

<Ringring. Ringring.>
Me: Hello?
Salvador: I haven’t gotten that money we talked about yet. Thought you might want to check on that.
Me: I didn’t send any money.
Salvador: What!? Why not?!
Me: All of your needs are taken care of.
Salvador: But not my wants.
Me: Stay away from the vending machines, Sal.
Salvador: You know I’m the one who will pick your nursing home, don’t you?

June 14

At 9:38pm in Rock Springs, Wyoming.

<Ringring. Ringring.>

Me: Hello?
Salvador: Dude! Check it out! I’m a mutant space alien!!!
Me: What are you talking about?
Salvador: I just think things and people do it. I’ve got some sort of psychic mutant mind power!
Me: For example?
Salvador: Well, like today. I was thinking about my breakfast, and BAM! Somebody brings me my breakfast. Then I was thinking of lounging by the pool an BAM! Someone takes me to the pool.
Me: I see.
Salvador: There’s more!!! Then I was thinking about my dinner and BAM! Someone brings my dinner.
Me: I think it’s all just a coincidence, Sal.
Salvador: But the exact same thing happened yesterday! And the day before!!!
Me: You’re not psychic, Sal. You’re in a rut.
Salvador: You know who else gets in a rut? Psychic mutant space aliens!!!
Me: Sal… have you been drinking?


June 15

About 10:40 pm in Kansas City. Ringring. Ringring.

Me: Hello?
Salvador: Facebook says you’re 7.2 miles away.
Me: Uhh. Yeah.
Salvador: And not moving.
Me: Uhh. Yeah.
Salvador: Come get me.
Me: I can’t until tomorrow, Sal. Camp Bow Wow is closed for the evening.
Salvador: I’m going over the wall. Get here now.
Me: Sal, I’ll be there in the morning.
Salvador: Come right now. Don’t make me steal another car.
Me: Another?


June 16

Going home with Dahlia and Salvador... my Happy Campers.

Going home with Dahlia and Salvador… my Happy Campers.

June 18

Dahlia is working on being more flexible in her professional life. She thinks she's making great strides.

Dahlia is working on being more flexible in her professional life. She thinks she’s making great strides.

June 21

Salvador bought a set of Tim Mee Plastic Army Men jeeps and artillery for me for Father's Day, because I'm the dogfather, or... as he likes to put it... Big Dog Daddy the Furpappa. He has a way with words... and a firm belief that Big Dog Daddies should always have plenty of artillery.

Salvador bought a set of Tim Mee Plastic Army Men jeeps and artillery for me for Father’s Day, because I’m the dogfather, or… as he likes to put it… Big Dog Daddy the Furpappa. He has a way with words… and a firm belief that Big Dog Daddies should always have plenty of artillery.

June 21

<6:55pm. Salvador crouches in the corner, snarling, growling softly, and shaking his paw menacingly.>

Me: Sal, what are you doing?
Salvador: Brooding.
Me: Yeah, sure. Of course. Why?
Salvador: Superheroes with a dark past brood. I’m brooding.
Me: Batdog is tormented by his inner demons?
Salvador: Not Batdog. I’m the Wooferine.
Me: I see. And you’re tormented by memories of a poodle whose name just happens to be Jean Grey?
Salvador: Dude! That’s amazing! It’s like you totally just read my mind. What am I thinking about now?
Me: Tacos.
Salvador: Get out of my head, Charles.

June 23

Salvador: I’m going to run for President.
Me: You can’t run for President, Sal.
Salvador: Just give me one good reason why not!
Me: They don’t let dogs run.
Salvador: Donald Trump is running.
Me: Point taken. Let’s file the paperwork.

June 29

Salvador: So… I hear you’re going to The Animal Rescue Alliance (T.A.R.A.) fundraiser at Pizza Street, tonight.
Me: Yep.
Salvador: So what time do we leave?
Me: We?
Salvador: You. Me. Us. Getting in the car and going to the pizza buffet.
Me: I think the invitation may have been humans only.
Salvador: Was not. Besides, I’m the alum. They’d be thrilled to see me again.
Me: I’m sure they would… just not in a restaurant.
Salvador: Fascist.
Me: It’s not my fault you can’t be trusted around a buffet.
Salvador: Sign says “All You Can Eat.” They shouldn’t make the offer if they don’t mean it.

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